I cried as hard as I could - Chapter 1

Yang Jinhai’s nose twitched in annoyance. The breeze flowing in from the half opened window woke him.

 

He wanted to go back to sleep and forget yesterday’s memories. A little more and he would have, but right away the intruding alarm calls from his phone blared louder than an ambulance at that moment.

 

“Hey, Yang Jinhai! Turn that racket off, will you?! And get up already!”

 

Yang Jinhai gave no response.

 

The alarm went off again. Wang Kongxin, his roommate, tried to barge in this time. “Yang Jinhai, I’m going to count to three, if you don’t get up now, I’m going to break your door down!”

 

Yang Jinhai clicked his tongue in annoyance.

 

“Three!”

 

Wang Kongxin made up his mind to force him out of bed today, whether he liked it or not. The constant depressed aura even made the neighbors back away from standing or being near them.

 

“Two!”

 

“What is it?”

Yang Jinhai pulled the door open as soon as his roommate yelled out two, almost tripping him off his feet’s balance.

 

“You did that on purpose didn’t you?”

 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about…”

 

Yang Jinhai, this little piece of sh*t…

 

“Yang Jinhai, come out and eat.”

 

“Couldn’t you just have left me alone?”

 

“You have some place to go to, have you forgotten?”

 

Yesterday’s memories came flashing in Yang Jinhai’s mind. He was no longer annoyed or sleepy, there was only sadness in his eyes now.

 

“Come on, focus. Li Yuxuan’s father won’t be pleased to see your half dead eyes.”

 

“Mm.” Yang Jinhai nodded.

 

After having breakfast, both of the boys started getting ready. Wang Kongxin was working in a nearby store, and Yang Jinhai was to to go somewhere.

 

“Don’t be scared, and just show up already. They can’t drive a mourning guest out, can they?” Wang Kongxin consoled Yang Jinhai as he was putting his shoes on.

 

“Okay then, I’m off.”

 

Yang Jinhai gripped the paper bag he was holding and sighed.

 

He was to visit Li Yuxuan’s home and pay his respects to the late soul. His love, was now dead, and Yang Jinhai felt like he had to explain himself to Li Yuxuan’s family members. That he was ready to take any blame that would come.

 

Stepping out of the cab and paying the hefty fare, Yang Jinhai straightened his tie before walking in the building. If he recalled correctly, Li Yuxuan lived on the fifth floor, because he liked the breezes from up outside.

 

The elevator dinged as the doors opened to let him inside. Yang Jinhai’s heart was beating.

 

He hadn’t prepared any excuse, nor did he know what to do if he was shunned away, which probably would be the most likely case.

 

In an instant, he reached the fifth floor. He cursed himself for getting distracted again.

 

He pressed their doorbell. After about a minute, the door was slowly pulled open.

 

“You.” It was Li Yuxuan’s mother, Fu Yanlin.

 

“Aunt Fu, it’s nice to meet y-”

 

“Leave immediately.”

 

“But…”

 

“Didn’t you hear me? I told you to leave, or else.” Yang Jinhai knew, he’d be hated this badly. Fu Yanlin hadn’t even smiled once the moment they were introduced to each other.

 

“Aunt…”

 

“Are you deaf, boy? Or haven’t you been taught any manners?”

 

“But please, at least let me wish for Li Yuxuan’s sake and-”

 

“SHUT UP!” This time, it was a scream.

 

“Don’t you dare utter my precious son’s name with that filthy tongue. Why did you even think you would be allowed here? Wasn’t taking his life enough, now you want to laugh at us too? Is that it?”

 

“Fu Yanlin!”

 

Li Yuxuan’s father stepped in.

 

“Boy, come in. We can’t treat a guest like that, Yanlin.”

 

“Guest? You want to let a murderer in the house he murdered?! Be damned, if this boy takes a step inside, I’ll-”

 

“Fu Yanlin, leave us be. Even if you turn him away, I still am willing to listen to what he has to say.”

 

That seemed to have calmed her down, as she let go of her grip on the door handle and gave space for Yang Jinhai.

 

“Welcome, boy.” Li Jie greeted.

 

Yang Jinhai bowed and went in. He’d be forever grateful to him for letting him inside.

 

Fu Yanlin’s face was still contorted like before, Yang Jinhai was well aware. But he needed to do what had to be done.

 

“Uncle, thank you for having me.”

 

“No worries. Did you have lunch?”

 

“Ah, actually I just had breakfast.”

 

“What? This late? What happened?”

 

“You see, I fell asleep late after feeling bad.”

 

“I see, I understand myself. We’re all going through a tough time right now.”

 

“Thank you again for having me, despite your circumstances.”

 

“And who caused this circumstance, may I ask?”

 

All eyes went to Fu Yanlin. She wasn’t going to let him off this easy, Yang Jinhai sighed.

 

“Aunt,”

 

“I’m leaving this room, I can’t stand it a second longer. After you’re done, leave immediately.” With that, Fu Yanlin clacked her feet with her slippers off and left.

 

“Uncle, I uhh..”

 

“Little Jinhai.”

 

“Yes!”

 

Yang Jinhai could see the sincerity in his face. Relaxed smile, with creased but gentle eyes, he looked at Yang Jinhai. Li Jie always treated Yang Jinhai with care.

 

“Even though what has done been done, I cannot accuse you right away. My heart does not allow it.”

 

“Thank you, Uncle. I don’t know how else I could have been standing here.”

 

“But why have you come here?”

 

“I want to see his soul off.”

 

“And you believe he’ll accept that?”

 

Yang Jinhai should have understood better. Even if he was the most caring of the parent couple, Li Jie was still Li Yuxuan’s father after all. Blood for blood. He shouldn’t have believed he’d be welcome with open arms.

 

“Uncle, even if Li Yuxuan’s soul resents me, he can continue to do so in the afterlife. But-”

 

“But?”

 

“I do believe I should at least do this much.”

 

“Yang Jinhai.”

 

“If it’s guilt you’re feeling, then-”

 

“No, uncle. Whatever it is, I still made up my mind yesterday night to bid him farewell.”

 

Li Jie didn’t widen his smile further, or curl the corner of his lips. “And answer me this. How are you so sure he wouldn’t reject your emotions?”

 

Yang Jinhai stared at the floor. His father was right, and he definitely knew his son more than he Yang Jinhai himself knew. Stubborn, quick to anger, sometimes judgmental.

 

Li Yuxuan’s soul might even prefer to pass through without ever being reminded of Yang Jinhai, or may detest the idea of having Yang Jinhai help.

 

He clenched his jaw. Tears threatened to fall, Li Jie could see that. But that still wasn’t enough to convince him to ask for permission. “Uncle Li Jie, it’s my duty. He was my senior. I wouldn’t have thought about the idea but this might be my last chance to honor him.”

 

Li Jie sighed, and stood up. The change in expression was making it more difficult for Yang Jinhai to understand whether he would be approved or not. “If that’s what you kids like to do, then I have nothing else to say.”

 

Li Jie left the room, leaving Yang Jinhai with bittersweet feelings. Even though it wasn’t actually an approval, but at least a chance at redemption was given. The tears finally dropped, Yang Jinhai breathed in a sigh of relief.

 

From the author:

Good day! I hope you are doing well, I’m kind of not. Oh well, I do get cold easily. I guess I can relate with Yang Jinhai. No that wasn’t a spoiler haha.

 

I would like to just say that if you do keep on reading, then any reviews or comments would be greatly appreciated. And also if you could share this story with your friends.

 

One more thing, as you know, if you’re trying to keep track of this story, then you can definitely do so by clicking on the bookmark option from the cover page of the novel,

 

cover page:   https://localhost/wordrain/manga/i-cried-as-hard-as-i-could/

 

and I decided to also create an Updates page if I need to let anyone know about any news or updates for the novel. You can check back to that page, or comment there anything you like.

 

Updates page:   https://localhost/wordrain/manga/i-cried-as-hard-as-i-could/updates/

 

I hope you have a good time reading.