I cried as hard as I could - Chapter 4

“Huh?” Yang Jinhai blinked several times, wondering if his brain got rewired or not.

“What?”

No, there wasn’t any use anymore for blinking. Was this a dream then? Why was Li Yuxuan in his room, sitting on his bed? Is this what they call a lucid dream?

“Are you going to keep staring at me?”

“Why are you here, did you come to visit me?”

“Why would I visit you, isn’t that thinking a bit too ahead of yourself?”

The current, dreamy Li Yuxuan seemed to be similar to the original Li Yuxuan he met in reality.

“Then what must be the reason for you to be present in my dream?”

“You’re still thinking this is a dream?” Li Yuxuan’s eyes creased in distaste.

“I didn’t think it was a dream either, but then I realized after seeing your ghostly presence…”
In fact, there was no ghostly presence. Yang Jinhai only assumed so, the only logical connection his brain answered for him. Li Yuxuan didn’t look pale or ghostly as Yang Jinhai looked closer. He looked very real, sitting on his own bed in front of him, just as he remembered him. In addition to that, the way he talked, his voice, also completely alike the one from reality.

“Maybe you are a ghost and this must be feeling surreal for you, Li Yuxuan. I’m sorry I didn’t mean to offend you or your existence, but as I said before, I–” Yang Jinhai realized he had never ‘said’ anything ever in his dreams before.

And if he was talking now, then this can actually be real. Li Yuxuan can be real.
The ghostly presence was real.
Li Yuxuan was real.
The ghost was real.

“AAAHH!” Yang Jinhai screamed louder than he had ever before. He pulled up his blanket over his head and immediately started reciting the mantra his mom taught him. “Daylight, innocence, no evil shall come forth, spirits begone, remember this is no space, nor yours shall ever, the soul rests…”

“Are you done babbling?”

Yang Jinhai became still as a stone. “Go, go away!”

“I didn’t even settle my matters, why should I leave now?”

“What, what do you want?” Yang Jinhai couldn’t stop his teeth chattering.

“You.” Instantly, his teeth stilled again.

Yang Jinhai suddenly found himself exposed. Li Yuxuan was holding his blanket.

“What?! How did you do that?!” Yang Jinhai screamed again as he leaped up and backed himself away to bury himself in the bed’s headboard.

“It’s true, I’m a ghost.” The fact that he was talking to a ghost, just dawned on Yang Jinhai now.

“Lord…” Li Yuxuan’s eyes stared dead straight at Yang Jinhai’s.

“Li… Li Yuxuan…”

“And it is true, that I myself can’t bring myself to understand what’s going on.” There was no response from Yang Jinhai this time.

Li Yuxuan sighed. “Do you believe me?”

Yang Jinhai was now curious. He held out his hand, which Li Yuxuan hesitantly took in his own. “I can touch you, I can feel you!”

“Yes, it would seem so.”

“But how? Why? You’re supposed to be in another life!”

“Of course I know that already!” This was the very first time Yang Jinhai had heard Li Yuxuan’s enraged tone.

“I apologize..”

“Enough dilly-dallying, we wasted a lot of time already.”

“Time? What for?”

KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!

“Yang Jinhai?”

Yang Jinhai and Li Yuxuan both instantly looked at each other. “My roommate…”

“Don’t worry, He can’t see me.”

“Huh? How come?”

“Yang Jinhai!” The knocks were getting louder.

Li Yuxuan looked at Yang Jinhai again. “Open the door. I’ll show you.”

Yang Jinhai gulped, but still trusted him. He went over to the door, and unlocked it. Wang Kongxin was on his phone, typing.

“Xin..”

Wang Kongxin immediately snapped his neck toward Yang Jinhai’s direction. “Yang Jinhai! What took you so long! What happened! Why did you scream? I was just about to call you, you know! Did you see a ghost? Why are you like that?”

“Wait! Calm down, I’m fine. Really. Come inside.”

“Huh why, what got you this time.” Yang Jinhai eagerly looked at Li Yuxuan’s face as he paced backwards to let his roommate in.

No reaction, just as Li Yuxuan had assured.

Wang Kongxin scanned the room and other than the mess, nothing indicated that Yang Jinhai was in danger. “What do you want me to look at?” He asked.

“Just that, I fell from my bed.”

Li Yuxuan almost spat out his breath. Yang Jinhai’s face reddened.

“You fell from your bed? But then, why did you scream like you saw a ghost?”

Yang Jinhai now couldn’t meet his eyes. That’s because I did!

“Because, I had a nightmare-”

“A nightmare.. Oh, I understand.”

“Yes,”

Wang Kongxin came closer and gave him a sort of a side hug. “Do you want me to sleep with you today?”

“No! What the h*ll, get off!”

“You’re the one who got scared of a measly nightmare! Don’t blame me later for not trying to help!”

“Yeah sure, now get off. I wanna get back to sleep too.”

Yang Jinhai took a peek to see Li Yuxuan’s state. He saw that his eyes were cold and distant as usual.

He must have been keeping him waiting for too long, so he finally pushed out Wang Kongxin despite his last minute blabbers.

“Is your little couple fight over?”

“What? No! Why would you think we would be a couple?! Are you insane?”

“Well, by the looks of it, the way you two were clinging to each other, anyone would think you two probably have a thing going on,” Li Yuxuan stated as he smirked.

Yang Jinhai was used to this attitude from him. He never really tried to learn about the other person’s feelings.

Or it might have been because they weren’t friends in the first place.

“No, we don’t. We’re just roommates.”

“Hmm, I know.” Then why did you ridicule me?! Even if he knew he was wronged, Yang Jinhai didn’t have the heart to argue. Li Yuxuan wouldn’t have bothered anyway. He tried to find somewhere else to look, Li Yuxuan’s presence felt discomforting.

“Yang Jinhai,”

“Yes,” He answered, keeping his eyes on the floor.

“Since we have some time now, you must help me.” For the first time, he heard a request from Li Yuxuan. Scratch that, it was the first time he ever saw Li Yuxuan in trouble.

“Me? Why me?”

“That’s because, remember, you were the one who performed the soul’s farewell.”

“Yes,” How could he forget, which was maybe one of the biggest regrets of his life till now.

“Then you must also be able to remember that what you did was in violation of the ritual’s policies?”

“What-”

“What you did was wrong.” Li Yuxuan got up from the bed, and started walking toward Yang Jinhai.

“I understand, I made mistakes, but believe me! I did it out of good will! All of it!”

“Wrong!”

“No please! Truly, I did!” Tears started to well up in the corner of Yang Jinhai’s eyes now. His knees were losing strength, but Li Yuxuan kept stepping forward.

“How can you say something like that? Don’t you have any self awareness?”

“Li Yuxuan, please…”

“Unbelievable… You still choose to hold on to the one belief you think is convenient for you?!”

“What are you saying…” Yang Jinhai didn’t really understand what was going on, but he was sure of one thing: he liked Li Yuxuan. He could swear his life on it. But Li Yuxuan wasn’t listening to him, what was he to do now?

“Yang Jinhai, I didn’t know you were this shameless!”

“Yuxuan, please…”

“You have no right to take my name like that! After what you did, do you think I would forgive you this easily?! You didn’t even let me cross over in peace!”

“What… Yu-Li Yuxuan, what do you mean…”

“Exactly what I’m saying. And this time, you’ll do it right.”

“Do what right, I only held a farewell ceremony for you!” Li Yuxuan’s eyes were menacing, but Yang Jinhai really didn’t know what to do anymore.

“Listen to me, Yang Jinhai, this time you have to perform the ceremony again.”

“What…” Yang Jinhai’s expression took a solid turn, from that of fear stricken terror to complete astonishment.

“What, why?”

“I don’t know, but I’m sure it’s your fault I’m still stuck in this world.”

“Huh? Mine? But-but, that ceremony was done specifically to send you on your way!”

“Don’t you think I know that already! Just use your brain for once, Yang Jinhai! Why do you think I’m still in front of you! I couldn’t cross over! I’m not properly dead am I?!”

That was true. Yang Jinhai started to realize.

“You can still see me! Touch me! You’re the only one who can do that!”

Yang Jinhai kept silent as he stared at Li Yuxuan and processed his screams.

“So obviously it has something to do with you! Do you understand now, you pea-sized brain holding thick skulled sack of–” Li Yuxuan fortunately stopped and got ahold of himself before he uttered something too severe. “Hah, I can’t believe I’m wasting my breath on you like this…”

Li Yuxuan looked at Yang Jinhai. The boy looked like his whole world collapsed. That made Li Yuxuan’s gaze soften, albeit slightly. “Yang Jinhai, listen to me. Help me get to my grave.”

“Your.. grave?”

“Yes, where they buried me. I don’t know where my body is lying, I’m not allowed to know.”

“Why? What’s at the grave?”

“I must get there, and hopefully solve this problem.”

From the author:
I can’t believe it took me about 4 hours to complete a single chapter, I was so unmotivated…
I’ve probably failed as an author…
I’ll also take this opportunity to urge you to drink and eat healthy, I hope we can go on this journey together~

Any support for the journey would be helpful: https://ko-fi.com/wordrain

Also I’d like to post an update: Releases might be slow because Google has limited our ad revenue, and it was really depressing news, which we had to hear on top of our already congested lives. Maybe I’ll get better, but no promises lol. Just feeling really sad right now they had to do this.

You can also find this piece of update notice from this specific page I made for such content: https://localhost/wordrain/novels/i-cried-as-hard-as-i-could/updates/