I cried as hard as I could - Chapter 2

Yang Jinhai rubbed the tears off his face, as he began to stand up and search for a suitable place to pray.

The house was empty, the family members’ avoidance crystal clear to him. It felt dreary, a whole family cooped up in their own rooms just because of him. Yang Jinhai sighed.

He chose to situate himself in Li Yuxuan’s room. The living and dining halls felt too exposing.

Even if Fu Yanlin came around, once she had seen Yang Jinhai start, she couldn’t kick him out. If she had a heart, that is.

Glad that no one was seeing him entering the room, he quickly made preparations. There was firstly the paper goods. He brought them out from his paper bag, trying his best not to crease them.

Clothes, money, Li Yuxuan’s favorite pastime, a fidget toy, were among the things Yang Jinhai chose as offerings. Seeing the small pile, he was getting even more sad realizing the fact that he knew nothing about Li Yuxuan’s likes and dislikes.

Even if they would have cost him another month’s salary, he would still buy them for him. But what could he buy if he didn’t even know them? Li Yuxuan might laugh at him for having the nerve to try at all.

Yang Jinhai continued to arrange the paper materials. He brought out the white chrysanthemums and placed them beside the plate of paper materials. He could only arrange this much, burning more would have taken forever to be done with. He pulled out his phone next and searched for a photo of Li Yuxuan.

There wasn’t much inside to begin with, they weren’t even that great of friends to have exchanged photos. Yang Jinhai still wanted to keep some, so he took some in secret whenever he got a chance to stand close to Li Yuxuan. The picture he decided to showcase was the one he took on that night out, breezes flowing, and overall setting a calm atmosphere.

Yang Jinhai placed his phone before the wake’s utensils, zooming in on his face. Too bad it wasn’t a portrait, which could have had Li Yuxuan’s eyes looking right at him as he prayed for his soul. Yang Jinhai still smiled from relief that he had gathered the courage to make a quick click before Li Yuxuan noticed. Or else, today’s farewell would have been in an even worse condition.

He took out a lighter and lit the clothes first. The flame burned slowly, and Yang Jinhai was careful not to touch the plate while his hands were bare. Li Yuxuan’s picture dimmed from against the fire’s glare.

That night, the moon’s light shining on them both, was dim too. Still, Yang Jinhai chose to press the shutter. Was it Li Yuxuan’s relaxed eyes or was it simply an opportunity to capture the moment, Yang Jinhai didn’t know.

He also wanted to ask Li Yuxuan what he was staring into so deep in thought, but there was no chance to. Li Yuxuan turned his head right after the picture was taken, and Yang Jinhai almost dropped his phone trying to act like he was only scrolling through his unread messages.

“What are you still doing here? I gave you the notes, don’t you have to go back home and review them, Yang Jinhai?” Li Yuxuan asked as he saw Yang Jinhai crouched on the bridge.

“Ah, yes, you’re right, I do.” But he wanted to stay a little longer in his presence. “But you see, I’m also waiting for a call.”

“A call? I see, okay.”

“Yes…” Yang Jinhai fumbled with his words trying to think of an excuse. “A call! From, from my roommate.”

“Okay.”

Silence fell again. Yang Jinhai thought if Li Yuxuan would suggest to wait somewhere else, since the night outside was quite chilly to the feel. Fortunately for Yang Jinhai, he didn’t. They both stood there in silence. Li Yuxuan still staring at something, and Yang Jinhai with no courage anymore to converse further.

The sadness and loneliness from that moment brought about tears in Yang Jinhai’s eyes as he recalled Li Yuxuan’s face that night from that photo on the screen. He let the tears drop, relaxed that at least he was able to cry for him alone.

“May you rest in peace, may these goods become handy to you, may you find a good life-” As Yang Jinhai uttered his wishes, the phone screen blanked out and turned off. His eyes immediately caught the fire right in front of him but it had spread to the chrysanthemums. Yang Jinhai panicked and fell backwards.

“Stupid!” He berated himself mentally before stumbling upwards and trying to find anything to douge the fire with.

He felt the heat rise within the room but there wasn’t anything near him. He spotted the bathroom. He ran for the bathroom’s door, twisted it a few times to unlock it and started searching for a pail. As he sloshed the water filled pail around to bring it to the fire, there was already Fu Yanlin standing in the middle of the room with a fire extinguisher in her hands.

Yang Jinhai looked downwards. The whole setup was covered in the white carbon dioxide foam.

“Aunt..”

“Immediately as I’m saying this right now, leave.”

Yang Jinhai dropped the bucket of water. “Aunt are you alright? I’m sincerely sorry, I didn’t realize when the fire started, I was-I was…”

“Is this how you planned to curse my only son?”

“No, Aunt please listen to me!”

“How dare you thought my Xuan would even accept your wishes?”

The two were still standing in the middle of the room, but Fu Yanlin wasn’t facing Yang Jinhai at all. She was turned toward where his phone was.

Yang Jinhai didn’t know what to say. He made so many mistakes and he couldn’t even say goodbye to Li Yuxuan’s soul properly.

“Do you understand what would have happened if I hadn’t intervened?”

“Yes, I understand, Aunt.”

“The whole place would have burned! Your phone would have been burned! And along with that, my own son’s photo!”

Yang Jinhai’s heart dropped. How careless could he get?

“Aunt Fu, please believe me, I didn’t do it on purpose…”

“You never do anything on purpose do you!” This time, she snapped her head to look at Yang Jinhai.

“Then explain how come so much bad things have happened since you came to know my son?!”

Yang Jinhai stayed silent.

“Of course so! You can’t say a word can you, you impudent boy!”

Yang Jinhai clenched his fists to help himself calm his heart.

“Just please, spare my family! They have done nothing wrong…” Fu Yanlin dropped the red extinguisher on the bed and clasped her hands on her face as she let herself fall on the mattress.

Guilt surged within Yang Jinhai like boiling steam. He wanted to explain himself, but he knew it would be useless. She wasn’t in the right state of mind to listen, and even if she was, why would she?

They weren’t wrong, he was a murderer. His own hands was the cause of Li Yuxuan’s death. Suddenly Yang Jinhai didn’t know anymore for what reason was he standing in this house.

He went over to the desk and dipped his hand into the foam to bring out his phone. Now that it was in his pocket, he walked out the door. It was best to leave without touching anything else, lest if he angered Fu Yanlin any further.

“Aunt, again, I apologize,” Yang Jinhai said as he bowed and closed the door.

There was no response from Fu Yanlin, and Yang Jinhai didn’t expect any either.

From the author:
It was honestly a simple mistake on Yang Jinhai’s part, but poor Yang Jinhai had to get reprimanded 🙁

I hope you continue to read 🙂